It's got to that time of year again. Need to sit down and spend a couple of hours writing to people I should have written to all year - or haven't worked enough reason to stop writing to altogether.
But before the Christmas cards, I've got a couple of other letters to get out of the way. The first one's easy - to my urologist. Christ, I've just found out that what I thought was a relatively simple piece of corrective surgery is going to put me in hospital for 5 days and off work for six weeks! Shit, that means soreness. I'm asking him if I can delay until after Easter. That way I can still have my 40th birthday party, can still do work stuff that has to be done and can have my six weeks off when the weather's nicer. Nurse my battered bits in a sunny garden.
The second letter's a bit trickier. Maybe it shouldn't be written at all.
I'd been going out with a girl for about a month. Met her at a speed-dating event, we did get together, until she detected a lack of commitment on my part. Well, it just goes to show that it's not enough to have a good sex life, you need to have a good text-life as well. There just wasn't enough about her to make me want to stay in touch when we weren't together, flirt long-distance, smiling to myself while I did it. So she dumped me, anyway.
Then this letter arrived a few days later.
I never write letters, she writes. But I've managed to restore her faith in men, make her feel sexy and womanly again, left her feeling positive about herself. Something she couldn't leave unsaid - so there you go.
My friend Jo laughed when I told her, started singing Marvin Gaye down the phone "and when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing...ha ha ha. You've got healing hands...." Very funny.
But quite flattering I suppose. As being dumped goes, not a bad way to happen. How to reply? Well, I feel I ought to - I don't think that kind of letter should go unremarked or unanswered. Even though she wrote "don't reply".
The least I should do is say thanks and wish her well. Mind you, I've just had a text purge on my phone and I've managed to lose her address. The only option is to text her.... and that seems a bit like trying to rekindle contact.
Ah well, on to the Christmas card list instead.
